Dear little boys webinar- Maggie Dent

School for boys starting at five, we are taking time from boys when we school them and take away their play time. 

This webinar shares the way that boys see the world. 

Children are experiencing early ADHD and ODD diagnosis, boys are more behaviour challenges, interests in gaming.

Four key concerns on entry to school:

- poorer gross and fine motor skills

- weaker verbal vocabulary

- inability to initiate and sustain play with other children

- poorer self-regulation skills

Instead of getting them ready for school, we need to let them be children.

Boys want to know what's in it for me? boys may not want to bother if they don't think it will make them feel good. Girls compare the whole time, boys compare at the end. 

We need to change the stereotype of how we see boys as strong and tough. We need to speak to boys with tenderness, whoever they are we ask they same question. If a boy falls over, say are you ok? Do you need an adults help? 

How do we build those things? 

Am I really connecting with the child and making him feel like he's made my day, saying things like: I missed you, really listening to our boys, sometimes their thoughts are so comprehensive we haven't given them enough time to reply, have fun, nibble their toast, write on their fruit in their lunchbox, do you take something of them to remind you of them while you are away. They do love one on one time, hugs, cuddles. Boys tend to feel unloved more because they are getting in trouble more. Bedtime rituals- tell them how much you love them, I love you more than all the fish in the water, all the way to the moon, back around.... say it most nights to build up for the adolescent years. They have to feel loved while they are being impulsive. 

Boys need to belong- keep one educator if transitioning into daycare etc. 

Gives boys choices don't back them into a corner- they want to do things their way and do things that make them feel good. They are highly focused on one thing at time. When they have that single focus, go to them, rub their back, tickle their head, they are so focused they can't hear you. When they look then you have their attention. Be mindful of how many words we are using. if there are too many words they can struggle to comprehend.

Boys having a shorter ability to sit on the mat and start moving around are actually helping themselves to learn. When they move around they are creating dopamine. Set up an environment where boys are able to move and figet without bing shamed. They can then create dopamine and shift the cortisol to regulate themselves. 

We need all our children playing more it helps them pick up social skills like reading when someone else is really angry or this person will be upset. This means that when something happens to them on the street if someone comes up to them they may not be able to read their face and know when to back away.

Children will play guns and swords. This is from a very old practice where they had to do these types of things. They will play gun and sword games with whatever they can find even if they don't have guns, so set boundaries for them to play safely. When we shut it down we shame the play. They can't play and scare or harm others. Get them something that is safe to play with. Where do we point out how to be good warriors and what to do to be a good warrior. Negotiate, get wet, take turns.

Play lots of games where they learn to lose with real humans. SO they don't cheat etc.

Boys touching and doing- tell them what they can touch instead of what they can't.

Boys want to be physical for fun, punching and play to not be too rough. Let boys play with Dad to learn to not be too rough.

Think- how often do we tell kids you can't do it or it's a bad idea. We need to let them find it out for themselves. 

Boys aren't bad, they are trying to see if they can do something. Experience success and get the reward cortisol.

Three rules that stay the same- try not to hurt yourself, try not to hurt others, try not to hurt things in the world around us.

What can we do?

Ensure boys have a strong connection. The person who will help them when they have made a wrong choice, go to the toilet etc

Let them know when we have transitions are coming. 

Do knuckles, high five, waving, smiling and winking. These connections help them feel safe.

Teaching movement to make dopamine- rock on the spot when listening to a story, tapping feet, or tap their hand, move their fingers. 

Find something they do well- building sandcastles, help them be excited about what they are doing.